Santa Letter Generator

Go on - have a laugh with Santa with this letter generator.  Just make the selections from the drop down boxes and press the "Compile Letter" button.  You will instantly see your letter on the screen which you can then print.

Or if you want a real letter from Santa just click here

Dear , .......... Santa Claus Father Christmas Fat Bastard Satan Clause

Well we are now approaching Christmas - a time of          .......... peace on earth joy and merriment greed and slothfullness drunkeness, debauchery and fornication and I though it was time I wrote my letter to you.  I know how much you          .......... love like hate loathe to hear from me and I know you will look upon my requests          .......... favourably lovingly whilst laughing out loud with incredulity .  I have been a          .......... very good mild mannered lying and cheating jealous           .......... boy girl hermaphrodite child of Satan and would like you to bring me lots of presents

I'm sorry about the mix-up last Christmas.  If I'd known it was you I wouldn't have          .......... called the police used the shotgun sent the dogs in .  Anyway, I hope you          .......... did not spend too long in hospital did not spend too long in the cells managed to get all the buckshot out had a safe trip home . 

I know that you will look upon the incident in the summer as          .......... an accident a wind up deliberate .  The weather was hot and I was inexperienced.  I didn't know that the          .......... football tent prostitute used condom choir boy was likely to go down on me!!!  The episode was          .......... expensive awful delightful earth shattering orgasmic but I was able to clean up the mess with           .......... a copy of The Sun a wet wipe the curtains a tumble dryer a pump . 

I know it is tradition to leave you a sherry and mince pie but for 2008 I thought you would appreciate          .......... a cup of tea a large Scotch a dog turd a pair of the wifes knickers a spoonful of suger - enjoy.

I am keeping my          .......... fingers toes fingers and toes eyes crossed hoping that you will visit me.

Signed:         

P.S.

Please don't forget to visit my          .......... best friend top enemy boss teacher Mum Dad brother sister who is called          .  They have been very          .......... good bad perverted sexually deprived helpful all year so please bring them          .......... the biggest toy in your grotto the biggest vibrator you can find absolutely nothing whatsoever a big fat kiss